If you're feeling insecure because of the people around think about how it can make her feel too, either she agrees or not it will also put some pressure on her so try to do it when there's no one around, and be prepared to leave either she agrees or not. So, to answer your question if you know that people are male, then refer to them as male: Gentlemen, Sirs, Guys, or whatever suits the occasion best. Responding to that with flip remarks about how will the species survive or how its always been this way or how people who object really need to deal, frankly, comes across as wildly and deliberately obtuse which, again, is very out of character for you. I came of age during a time where it was new and shocking for women to take planes, trains and automobiles on their own. Now, Im 100% sure this guy would have been an awesome date, and there was nothing threatening or creepy about his approach in fact, if I had any glimmer of interest in men in general, I probably would have taken him up on it. It may not be inflicting major pain, but its still annoying and uncomfortable to have to deal with that at work, especially if youre in a position where you cant walk away after the encounter. So if you cant do that, or you can talk yourself into just enjoying the eye candy, dont do it. ?. I think people should recognize the difference between hitting on someone (e.g. If i ever did (which i wont because im too shy, but shes the most beautiful thing ive ever seen) ask her out and she said no, i wouldnt have a problem at all i think women are allowed to decide things by themselves and shouldnt be pressured into saying yes or no. I never watch the show. You might get the label 'creep' and you might find that your shopping experience will drop dramatically. Do your own research to find contact information; dont rely on the phone number printed on the check. Its very frustrating. Anyway. If youre looking to get your hands on the Man Catcher in Castle Crashers, then youre in luck! Also, regardless of the merits of OP asking/not asking, can we PLEASE roundfile the whole but how else is the species supposed to continue fallacy, which, bluntly, gets trotted out in defense of everything from workplace harassment to stalking. I came here to say exactly what fposte said. Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. Do it OP. She said she knew me already and found it a little odd, but we always have a lot of eye contact and banter. And the employee has to assume you might be one of those jerks in choosing how to respond to you if she doesnt want to lose her tip or get a complaint. Trust me on this, its not good.. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. She Doesnt Owe You Shit Finally, she asked him out. I see what youre getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks theyre doing the former. Do this some times. Please dont do this! A woman, by her nature, is careful with whom she picks as her mate, biologically speaking, women carry a big responsibility for their off-spring. And Ive just finished my milk.. Also, don't bring it up again, EVER. I would strongly advise you do neither of these things. If she doesn't respond, just say "thank you" as the transaction completes and you depart. I may or may not have drunk texted him after that and needless to say, we never ended up dating. What do you think about customers asking you out? Its my practice since to never pursue workers in service, not that it matters so much now. Absolutely. We looked into each others' eyes for about two weeks. I have to say, I feel bad for the pressure being put on men for the whole asking someone out thing because that was the first and ONLY time I have ever asked a guy out and I got rejected. It is a safe bet that they're all just doing their job. Then she returned change in copper coins, one at a time, staring me in the eye. And a lot of the general public gets that mixed up with actual proper social interactions, where both parties can leave the conversation any time they want. And I just want to get my paycheck and go home. Hitting on people who depend on you for tips is low. Make sure you aren't unconsciously seeking self-validation of some kind. We ended up going separate ways in life, but he was a total gentleman and excellent +1 while it did last, and I still hold him in high regard years later. No one is saying that you cant meet people in public places or even workplaces. Life rule: never hit on someone who is being paid to be nice to you. The Im having a party, stop by if youd like does seem like a good possible compromiseI think its because thats phrasing the request in such a way that the burden isnt on the employee to say no. Something that lets him know where youll be if he ever wanted to bump into you outside of a work environment. Theres a lot of baggage (no pun intended) with singling out Women For Special Protection. You should check it out sometime!". Sadly, some people prey on strangers they consider potentially vulnerable, regardless of gender. She will appreciate you phrasing it in a way that doesn't put her on the spot. Also regarding not having much time because there's a lineup. Let me apologize in advance for all the guys out there who do this. Right, Ive always worked customer service, so I certainly take your point; but I do think its a very blurred line. Canadian of Polish descent travel to Poland with Canadian passport. For fun and entertainment? And I have a boyfriend doesnt even slow down most of these guys. I dont think most men handle being turned down poorly. After the date has ended, be sure to follow up with your date by sending them a text or calling them; this will show that you are interested and care about them. I think if the OP really, really wants to follow up on this guy, the way to do it is by very gradually escalating and paying a lot of attention to his responses. If you decide to ignore this advice and try to ask them out, you need to understand that it's highly likely that they aren't into you. I loved the store and my job and loved that part of it was to talk about my interests with customers who shared those interests. You have some power (even implied power) over a cashier with your ability to complain and get them reprimanded, or even because she'll be forced to be nice to you during her shifts even after rejecting you should it come to that. +1. People shouldnt just ask anyone everyone they find the least bit attractive while at their place of work but I think it is different if you think you could really have a strong connection with this person. I did think your point about women being discouraged from asking men out was really interesting. There's a reason advances are looked down upon in these situations: it's not about the no/yes, it's about the fact that the likelihood of an honest answer being expected or given in such a situation is low, close to impossible. The customer could respond in a perfectly reasonable manner after being turned down, but the employee will still be extremely nervous about the exchange. and after a few encounters we started really talking if there was no other customers around. Since it's about whimsy, the goal here isn't "yes" - the goal here is "why not?". Every week, she would buy a bunch of corn and talk to him. Honestly, Id rather be hit on in a low-key non-awkward manner than asked out in an intense, awkward way. Most people take it wellexcept for this one guy who literally followed him around the store, essentially catcalling him and making really inappropriate comments. The degrees of freedom available to signify attraction are few. She'll now believe I go there just to see her and while you can't be judged in court for this, she will think it's creepy, she'll then tell her co-workers and they'll start to subtly take a pick on you. If you cant meet a stranger in a public coffee shop on your own, how on earth is internet dating supposed to work? I still think it could make women feel trapped into flirting back lest they be seen as rude or ungrateful but its better than flat out asking. One of the worst parts of retail was being trapped into conversations with these men over and over and not being able to walk away. The women always gave me their number and let it be known they werent doing anything on Thursday or whatever. Another way might be something along the lines of: Its always nice to chat with you [name.] The guys I know that routinely hit on female retail/service workers do it in the blink of an eye the second they see a pretty face. Even if she's busy on Thursday, or does not share your interest in this type of event it's a first step. Can I add you on Facebook and send you the link? So she added him, they talked until 4 a.m. on Facebook messenger, and they went out a few days later. At a bar, after church, at an event where you share a mutual interest, go for it! Girl has a boyfriend but says shes in love with both of us! No! Hes always nice and professional, but makes sure that his suitor knows that he has a serious girlfriend. I was a bartender for many years and the worst thing about my job was the endless flirting and customers asking me out on dates. Its how our brains are wired up. How Old Is Al Haitham Genshin? Later, on hearing about it, my nasty coworker who was a demoted ex-manager told me that I shouldnt have been rude to a customer. So I can definitely imagine a manager who would expect someone in a customer service position to say yes to keep the customer. Its not as dramatic as a manager asking out his employee, but in many retail environments the customer *absolutely* has power over the employee. When I was newly single (and loving it) after an early, long marriage, I ended up chatting regularly with a nice and nice-looking young man who worked in the produce department of my usual grocery store. *shrug* again, Im sure there are some people who are great at movie and party first dates. And as long as you are willing to hear them say no (and you are not a crazy person) then there is not a lot to lose. If the only conversation youve ever had is the normal chitchat when he rings up your purchases. OMG yes. Even these women who we'd call "easy going" only go for what they feel is biologically safe / sound. Surely there is someone out there like me, who is genuine and can take a no.? There joined a new cashier in my local food product market. Im not sure if this is a good compromise to not passing up an opportunity but also not putting pressure on him at work. factors in her favor: -she is a very nice, polite person who would definitely have apologized and avoided ever going to that coffee shop again if he seemed offended or creeped out Many of the people who perpetrate this type of thing wholeheartedly believe that theyre having a fun, reciprocal conversation while the target is thinking, oh my god, Im not allowed to stop being nice to this person but ewwwwwww.. What do you think a cool and respectful way to ask her out is? Whatever. You really have to go with your gut, I think. That would be fun. Where I live now, in Central European rural areas that latter point is the predominant norm. And yes, some people take outright rejection very badly. I think as long as its very very casual (coffee date, maybe a museum) and said with a cheerful smile (and maybe a no pressure, I dont want to put you on the spot thrown in there) theres no real harm. 2) I would be told wow you actually play video games? while striking up a conversation trying to get the customer to reserve an upcoming title or subscribe to our magazine or whatever. I mean if I forgot something I wouldve just gone in and said, I forgot this and say my goodbyes again. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. When he's getting off work and what plans he has afterward. I dont feel very comfortable or happy rejecting people. Youre missing the point. then nope. My main concern was that I didnt want to put this person in an uncomfortable position or jeopardize his job, and what youve recommended sounds like it would work so thanks very much for the advice :), Oops, that was supposed to be a response to and we danced from the ocean. There are a million variables here. Well, we have to also figure out if the customer service involves tipping or not. With the acknowledgment that some people may say NOT to ask a cashier out at her work, can I get some ideas from you all assuming that I AM going to ask her out. It gets so old! Youve got the people who say the waiter seemed friendly, so I gave him my number, and weve been married 30 years now. Give her an easy way out. The world has always been creepy, you just werent aware of it. Try to greet incoming customers within 30 seconds. The girl in the booth at the post office will also talk to you. Giving away ones phone number is a safety risk for the girl with indeterminate reward - silly to ask. At some point, she told him Hey, I have this song I think you should hear but I forgot to download it onto my phone. The "honey" and "dear' is a southern thing. isn't found by making her uncomfortable. However, with a bit of forethought and confidence, you can make it happen in no time. This could go either way! I got asked for my phone number all of the time. Take it easy, look how she reacts and accept it even if she is not interested in you. Anyway, I begged her not to ask him out, at least not while I was there because I have been put in that situation at work before and I wanted no part of it, and especially not before we paid because I was worried he might think his tip depended on his answer. Should I just hope that I will meet her after work at the parking area? Its this: Be very well dressed and be well groomed. @Kidburla From France. I have read most of the answers, but none has found themselves in your situation. Im in the dont do it camp because if he says no, youll both feel awkward. Asking while she is serving you as an employee violates empowered because she is effectively cornered: she can't step away, she has to serve you. Your lindy hop can lead to a special moment for both of you, making the experience more memorable. She could say yes, no, or not respond to the question. Unless we want to rely on eHarmony to produce the next generation, you have to take advantage of opportunities that present in the real world. Why did DOS-based Windows require HIMEM.SYS to boot? One day, I put the money in her hand, and tickled her palm. But I will also say I met one really great boyfriend while working. I will put a quick disclaimer/bias I am female, and I think women overall have to deal with this more than men, so its probably why its more annoying in my mind. (disclaimer, Ive never worked any customer-facing position, so maybe Im way off). Asking nicely doesnt erase that. It would be ok if you ran into an employee somewhere else organically. Dont ask out the waitress, or other person providing you customer service in order to survive. The ball is in her field as of now and she'll be the one to decide if she wants to play. I think you should go for it, but Im optimistic like that. I didnt know there was a section in Craigslist like that. . I wrote write my info on a small piece of paper and said something as non-pickup-y as possible: If you want to talk more about photography, heres my info or something. Anyway, Ive taken to wearing a gold band on my ring finger to discourage that behavior, but men dont seem to notice. Im married, so I definitely wasnt going to ask out the cute liquor store employee who likes the same kind of beer I like anyway. And above all, don't pressure her. Try to see this from her point of view. However, I would go about this very, very carefully and only do it if you are more than reasonably sure that he feels the same way. Ask and offer advice for specific dating situations. She went to Spain on vacation, bought a bunch of cheese, and casually mentioned it to him one day, saying, It might be fun for you to come over and try some of it with me.. The checkout line isn't the place to have real conversations, let alone get your flirt on. There joined a new cashier in my local food product market. My Question is how can I ask for her number, or ask her out for a coffe while she is on The next day, as I entered the shop, the whole personnel (all women) grinned at me. Scan this QR code to download the app now. her safety and comfort was maintained by having someone she knew and was familiar with approach her discretely. Youre just engaging through a different means of communication rather than face to face. Where I grew up (the UK) it is completely normal, typical and acceptable to engage in conversation with shopkeepers. I told him I was bartending that night and that he should come visit me, and I gave him my number. Dont say, Sure sounds good! Whilst approaching someone with the intention of asking them out, it is important not only to show interest but also respect for their feelings and situation. This x a million. Don't drop compliments and hit on her, asking how her day is doing is all you should do. All rights reserved. WebAnswer (1 of 7): At the Drive thru window, this happened to me many a time & the one luxury I suppose was that they could just speed off in their car afterwards (or I could shut the window). Long ago, when I was in college, I asked out a nice, cute guy who worked at a retail store I frequented. If I were single and shopping and met an individual Id like to ask out I would have. There's a lot of bickering over culture here: I'm from the Netherlands, female, currently 26 years old. Retail employees have to be nice to customers. Always be on your best behavior around them in the future. Of course, if their smoke break is in a back alley behind the supermarket this can't work (seeking her out there would constitute stalking). Archived post. But my biggest problem is I'm pretty shy with people I don't know and I'm really worried about being "that guy". The next time the store is slow and he rings you up when youre the only person in line have that piece of paper ready. The OP only seemed receptive to posts encouraging her to do it though. But don't do it at her work. The best you can do is wait until you at least know her for a whole lot of time longer and write your phone number down, and the next time you finished your business with her you give it to her with a verbal 'I'd like to get to know you, if you want to, send me a message. How do I tactfully ask a close friend out? OP think twice, thrice, four times before you do this. Yes, this. If theyre interested they will, specifically, ask you. We flirted for (probably 5) months and I finally asked him out one day. Thus the popularity, especially by women, of letting them down easy. Now I tend to err on the side of it is their job to be nice and their job is shitty enough without you slipping them your number so short of them jumping in my lap I just let it go. Describe the importance of honesty and integrity, especially when dealing with cash and cards. Any approach must provide an easy exit for her so there'll be no uncomfortable conversations next time. But I dont think that means that they shouldnt do it. Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search. And its fine to say Cool, could I bring my friend Xanthippe? and then do so, check the address and person out beforehand, and bail at any time. So now that Ive rambled, I just hope the OP really considers this persons demeanor before putting him in a potentially awkward situation. In most smaller towns and villages the cashier or shopkeeper gets to know the local community through their role as shopkeeper or cashier. Thanks, this was something that Id been considering too! I must disclose agenda: I want a world where women are inherently safe and empowered. He may be a manager. Learning how to read the defense, Al Haitham Genshin is 8 years old. If she did say "no" or not respond, after that interaction as you continue to go to the market, just behave casually as you normally would and if you go through her line be polite and friendly but with no expectations. They have been married for almost ten years and have three year old twins. If she can't fit dating into her schedule or budget, if family or social or work issues prevent her (can she date customers?) There there from Radiohead rings a bell. She might followup with other questions like "what time?" This is different, though, from approaching the object of affection. Obtaining it can be challenging, but with some guidance and dedication, you, Read More How To Ask A Cashier Out?Continue, Score a volley in FIFA 22 by pressing and holding the shoot button when receiving a coordinated pass near the goal. Restarting your mission in Red Dead Redemption 2 is relatively simple, provided you know where to go. Some talking must have occured behind the scenes Much later, she told me she was married. I took his pointing out hes male as, Hey, Im a dude, so take what Im saying with a grain of salt, but this is what I think, I consider myself a pretty well-centered person. To an extent, we cant help it. As it happens, safe is the first one. I worked a lot of retail jobs during middle school, high school, and college, and its unbelievable how many people misinterpret someone being polite and friendly as flirting. And don't stand somewhere waiting for her to take her smoke break, only do this if you naturally happen to pass by her having one. I know people who have met because they ride the same train to work every day or theyve attended the same sporting event. :/. Don't make it awkward. I suspect answers can be highly different depending on the cultural context. Well, the tricky thing about asking out someone in a customer service position is that their job requires them to be nice to you. Oy vey! By clicking Post Your Answer, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy. Women arent delicate flowers and men, as a gender whole, arent big scary monsters. We were having a polite conversation about video games, he left the store, and then came back from his car to give me his number in case we wanted to continue the conversation. I understand the situation, and if you really want to know her and you think the signs look good, then I suggest go for it. One of the firemen involved found one of my coworkers to be attractive. (Sorry couldnt resist), Thanks for that inspiring story; your friend is a smooth operator! This is coming from a womans perspective, so take it with a grain of salt. Well, the tricky thing about asking out someone in a customer service position is that their job requires them to be nice to you. Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. Call me, you teapot vending minx side so even if you DO post something really innocuous, you still get painted with that really gross paintbrush. I used to wait tables when I was young, and a lot of times guys (and horribly old men, too!) She said yes, and since it was 5PM we shared a glance of understanding for a few seconds. We met a few more times for drinks and visiting expos but no further attraction developed, so nothing else happened. No real point to this expect to share that I have now been enlightened :). And the corn guy had his own business. Hi. however, my friend (who works in retail) asked out a barista who she had a crush on. the supervisors were involved to pass the information from him to her. Plenty of wise advice already. You won't know where to stop and it'll turn creepy. I once had a crush on a guy who worked in retail. They would try to dazzle me with charm, I would kindly redirect them to dazzle me with good work. Thats how its been done forfreakingever. No one likes that. man its hard to talk to girls without being a creeper ! If you naturally pass by there, it may be OK to stop for chit-chat. The cashier probably wouldnt know how to find him if he just stopped showing up. Its just as uncomfortable and frustrating. When I worked retail, a man who grabbed me from behind when I was alone in the store and I told him to get his hands off me. What the worst that could happen from politely and not creepily seeing what happens next from this real world connection? I think OP should probably take advice from local friends and ask what's expected there. They are so well matched it was bashert. If you dont call well forget this ever happened.. When asking a cashier out, it is important to be respectful and considerate of their feelings. Then wait a couple of weeks before returning and never mentioning it again if you dont hear back.